Reactivity, Frustration, the Neufeld Traffic Circle and the Unity Bubble Flow Protocol
Gordon Neufeld’s Traffic Circle of Frustration offers a helpful perspective on frustration. Rather than focus on anger (which can be seen as a response to frustration), Dr. Neufeld walks us through the valuable role of frustration in the life of a human being. Feelings are information. We can learn to recognize what is being communicated through them.
Frustration is an alert that something in life is not working—something has gone wrong and we want it to be different. In Buddhist terms, we may think of teachings around craving and aversion. The traffic circle model demonstrates three possible exits out of frustration.
Exit 1: Can this be fixed or changed?
If yes, then it’s a clear path to relief. If no, we must confront futility. This is where many of us get stuck, especially if we are guarded against our vulnerability.
Exit 2: Adapt through sadness.
When we are facing something or someone we want to be other than they are, and realize that is not possible, the second exit is through our tears of adaptation. This initiates the possibility of deeper, inner transformation and ultimately acceptance—the way to truly move beyond the frustration. Recognizing when we feel out of control and controlled by the things we don’t like helps us see this exit more clearly.
Exit 3: Attack.
If we are defended against our vulnerability and tears are not an option (due to being routinely shut down as a child, or conditioned to see sadness as weakness), then we stay in the traffic circle. The next way out is some form of attack, whether physical or verbal, at something or someone. This releases the pressure of the feeling but does not resolve it. Mixed feelings (which develop by age 5-7) allow us to feel like we want to attack while simultaneously not wanting to hurt others. If we don’t have safe space to let this energy out without hurting others, we stay in the traffic circle without resolution or relief.
The first protocol in the Unity Bubble process that I teach clients is called The Flow. It examines this issue of staying stuck in frustration with things we cannot change. A key question is: how can we allow ourselves to exit the control dynamics that keep us circling? Getting angry continuously doesn’t create change and it often hurts us and others. Circling without resolution compounds the feeling of frustration.
If you feel curious about this process, reach out to me to book a session.
Below is a video of Dr Neufeld describing the traffic circle in more detail:
